Dear Mr MacDonald
I am writing this letter on behalf of myself, my family, and all the animals on your farm. For too long have we had to endure your stereotype and baseless actions which border on the racist. Not a day goes by that we are subjected to the childish mocking of our mother tongues. I do not and never have said the word ‘oink’ in my life. To skip around the farm singing – and I quote – ‘With an oink oink here, and an oink oink there. Here an oink, there an oink, everywhere an oink oink’ is highly offensive. Although my language is different from yours in no way could it be described as an ‘oink’. By relegating my speech to just one ridiculous word demeans my whole species.
I would ask do you have the audacity to call others in such a humiliating manner but your actions already prove that you do. The chickens are subjected to ‘clucks’, the dogs to ‘woofs’ and worst of all is the term you use for my turkey brothers. ‘Gobble gobble’ is such a racist comment that it barely defies being uttered. Yet every day you strut around our workplace tormenting your employees and reminding them all that ‘Old MacDonald has a farm’. I am not ageist, I am simply repeating the soliloquy that you insist on perpetuating, which the hens often insist is their reason for the current drop in egg supply.
We at the farm have had enough. The workers’ union has agreed to forego the planned strike and instead formally give our notice of termination. Your son Young MacDonald has agreed to let us work on his farm. He cites your daily verbiage as the result of your previous partnership going awry. We will work out our remaining contract until the end of the month then leave to join him.
On a personal note, I hope you realise that your actions are not normal and in some way may constitute a mental health issue. I hope that you are able to seek medical help for your condition.
Yours sincerely,
Mr Trotter
